This is the last of my Facebook requests that I have so far received. I had originally asked for requests in the hopes that I could find more narrow subjects to bear my testimony on... instead, a lovely girl by the name of Shy asked me to just bear my testimony. So this post is dedicated to her.
I was raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Being thus raised, I was surrounded by the Mormon influence, but what I found, especially around the age of 17, is that all I had gained was a testimony that God is my Father, and that Jesus Christ is His son and my Savior. I mostly chalk this up to the gift of the Spirit, (Moroni 10:11) "and to another, exceedingly great faith...". Though, it is also from having so many of my prayers answered. Indeed, I have such great faith that my prayers can be answered, and that Jesus Christ and God the Father are real, that I would refer to it more as knowledge than faith.
Growing up, I have always been a very strange, weird child. Generally a freak. So, at the age of 17, I decided to pray one night, with all of my heart, as the most desperate desire of my soul, to know why I am the way that I am. I was answered through my dream. It contained two parts, though I will only mention the relevant meaning of the second part, because I hold both very dear and close to my heart. My answer was: there are people in this world, that only I can help, because I am the way that I am.
I had not considered even serving a mission. My family was very understanding about it. They would like me to serve a mission, but they did not expect or require it of me. I am very thankful to them for that, because I know that the pressures in the church can send young men onto a course, that may be a righteous course, but trodden begrudgingly, and is soon departed from.
So, with the age to serve a mission being 19, and I was close to being 18, I actually considered going, probably for the first time in my life. I just figured, that if there are people out there that only I can help, then serving a mission would be a good way to try and find them. But, I wanted to make sure that what I would be called to preach on my mission was true.
I knew that there is a God in Heaven, that Jesus Christ was His Son, and I knew that they answered prayers. This got me on the path of studying out my beliefs. I rationally figured that serving a mission would be a good way of find those I am meant to help, but, since I did not know if the doctrine was true, I was completely willing to leave the church and find God's true church, wherever that may be. I believe I was 18 by this point, and again, knowing how understanding my parents are, knew that they would not look down on me should I walk a different path.
Without the distractions of peer pressure or doubt, I planned ahead. I had found, at a nearby park, a location that I felt really close to. Like my own little wooded area. My own sacred grove. I chose a Monday morning to walk out to this location, and kneel down to ask my Father in Heaven if the Book of Mormon was true and if Joseph Smith was indeed His Prophet, a true Prophet. Part of why I felt so inclined to choose a location, in nature, and to pray there, is because in my studying of the church, I found that I related to Joseph Smith.
I too felt that the powers of darkness had combined against me, almost in my infancy. My mother had a stroke when she was pregnant with me. I grew up a freak, feeling like I had no friends, like I was alone. For years, tried to keep my suffering in silence as I battled depression. I felt like God must have an amazing plan for me, and important plan. Indeed, part of me, expected to receive an undeniable witness of God's will, possibly through the visitation of a heavenly messenger.
Note: this is not the place, but same parkWhen I reached my destination, I took off my glasses, and kneeling down, my face in my hands, bent low, I prayed to my Father in Heaven. I told Him the desires of my heart, that I know He is real, I know Jesus Christ is real, I know I am willing to follow Him, I desire to know which church is true, if the Book of Mormon is true, if Joseph Smith was a true Prophet. I poured out this desire, like the tears from my face. Then, after closing in Christ's name, I waited. I waited some more. When my tears finally dried, I straitened my back and looked up at the sun, shinning through the trees. I felt no different. No burning in my bosom, as the scriptures say. I did not feel more loved, I did not feel like I received an answer at all.
Replacing my glasses, I stood up and just began to walk, wandering around the park. I don't think that I saw anyone else there. I walked, and walked, for several hours, just looking at the beauty around me, and trying to figure out why my prayer was not answered.
Finally it dawned on me... almost like a voice in my head that was not quite mine. From that very morning I felt peaceful. Even on my walk to my own personal sacred grove, did I not hear the birds chirping so wonderfully. Were not all of my senses heightened, and just filled with peace. Indeed, this entire morning, wandering out here, has this feeling departed from me? No. I know that God answers prayers, and if there was ever a point in my life for Him to lead me onto the right path, this would be it. So, maybe this peace is the answer to my prayer, an answer that He chose to give before I even asked the question.
This is when I learned, for myself, a true, deeper meaning of faith. If God wanted me on another path, He could have told me, so this must be the right path, at least for now. So yes, this could be considered convincing myself, but I "CHOSE" to accept the peace as my answer. I learned that faith is not something you acquire, nor is it something that is given to your, or that you spontaneously have. Faith is a choice. A choice to do good, to follow God. Faith is choosing the better part. That day, I chose.
With this testimony, I went forth and served a mission for the LDS church, preaching Mormonism, or more properly called, the Gospel of Jesus Christ. On that two year journey, I learned so much. I learned that, because God could do such a better job than snot nosed twenty-year-olds, that the mission is less for actual missionary work, and is more for the missionary. I learned more about myself than all the years before hand. I learned more about my body, and it's limitations and strengths. I learned more about the doctrine, feeding and building upon my testimony.
I also had the opportunity to learn more about other religions, and I found out that this is the most true church on the earth, indeed, if ANY other church currently upon the earth was true, my very soul would not be satisfied. I like how the mother of my favorite mission companion put it... though I don't remember her exact words. She roughly said, that the majority of religions, especially all of the variations of Christianity, teach the same thing. Do unto others and you want them to do to you. Be nice, serve God. Love one another. So if so much is the same, then it is the differences that should matter. Indeed, all of that love and doing good is what happens in this life. It is what happened before this life, and what happens after this life, that makes the most difference.
I learned from a Jehovah's Witness that they believe that all our "spirits" are actually just part of God's Spirit, thus it is a portion of His spirit that enters us for the breath of life. For me, this does destroy some sense of individuality... "'I' think, therefore 'I' am". So that does not sit right with me. Then, they believe in an afterlife quite Biblically based. That when Christ comes again, He will govern this world, and that those who followed Him and His example, will be resurrected and live in paradise. The 144,000 chosen are to be resurrected, like Christ, as "spiritual" beings, or "celestial" beings, while the rest of the multitude of Christ's followers will be physical or of a "terrestrial" nature. For the rest of eternity, they will live in this paradise, with Christ as the King, and the 144,000 as other leaders, all under Jehovah. This kind of heaven sounds nice, I mean it is paradise, but it does not satisfy my soul. I know that eventually, science will all be mastered, and then life will just continue. No progress, no growth. Stagnant, for all eternity.
The same problem comes with other religions, either you are reincarnated over and over again, reach nirvana meaning nothingness or being part of everything, or you wind up in a heaven, where you are at peace, and restful, but without any progression. This could never satisfy my soul. I know what it is like to be blissful, but without some purpose, some cause, some growth, there is no satisfaction.
If you are reading this and you are not a Mormon, I hope that you understand that I mean no offence, especially if I did not represent or understand your religion very well. I ask for you to please comment your beliefs and maybe your testimony of why you believe your faith. I am merely trying to state my understanding of why the LDS church is the only religion that is true upon the earth. Indeed, this is the only religion that has answered every question I have had.
For, not only do we believe in a pre-existence as individuals with God, as His spirit children, we believe that after this life we can progress and become just like Him. For, what is the point of children, if they do not grow up and become like their parents.
I leave these things with you, that I know for myself that God lives, that Jesus is His Son and that He is the Christ, the same that lived a perfect life, suffered for us in the Garden of Gethsemane and gave His life on the cross all for our sake. I know that Joseph Smith is a true Prophet of God, that God bestowed upon him power and authority to translate the Book of Mormon which is a record of God's dealings with the ancient inhabitants of the American Continent, for God loves His children everywhere, and to restore the fullness of Christ's Gospel back to the earth. I know that the priesthood, or the authority to act in God's name is upon the earth, and that the mantle of Prophet-hood, as I call it, has been passed down to our current Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. I know that God loves His children today, as in days past, and that He does speak to us today. He is not dead nor doth He sleep. I know that because of Christ, all will be resurrected from the dead, and then judged according to their works and desires of their hearts. I know that this mortal shell shall be outgrown and receive immortality, and I often pray for that day to come speedily. I leave these things with you, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the Holy Messiah, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the Rock of Heaven, the Savior and Redeemer of the world, Amen.
Love,
Jacobugoth
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